i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
