The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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