That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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