I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
