so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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