Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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