Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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