Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
