Your face is a jimmy john
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
