omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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