My cat gives me a boner
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize