I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I enjoy the company of your penis
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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