why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize