what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
