Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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