Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
