Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
