make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
