We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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