I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
