we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
