seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize