My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
