I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
