I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So I just went to clothing optional bar
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
