I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize