well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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