I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
