I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
