it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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