i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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