Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
