Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
