He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
