We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
