Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
