I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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