Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
