Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
