I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
