I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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