no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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