i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
