Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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