maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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