what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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