In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I could fuck to npr.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
