I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
