Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
