If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
