My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
then he tried to convert me to islam
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
