I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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