i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
