How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
