Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
