U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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