I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
