i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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