i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
