Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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