I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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