she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
mondays should just be called national damage control day
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
