Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
