yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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