Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My vagina just clenched in fear
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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