apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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