she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
