you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
