Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
it hurts more in the daytime
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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