dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
