You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
