I have demons in me.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
